It's my Blog Anniversary!
I started writing here exactly 12 months ago, really as an alternative to the journal i'd been keeping on a parenting forum i went on. When i started, last January, i really didn't know what a blog actually was. I just kind of figured it was an online diary...that the whole world can see...and i suppose when it comes down to it, that's exactly what it is?!
I never really meant for anyone to read it, i started out with one follower, Chris (who never reads it incidentally, he reckons he doesn't need to as he's actually here in person) Over the year i've accumulated followers at a frantic pace and now have four. Haha. That's still three more than i expected though! This blog was just a way for me to get things out of head and in to words, i've always found writing cathartic, and blogging has been no exception to that. I haven't yet gone back through old posts but i imagine if i did i'd find most of them were written after a really bad morning/afternoon/day/week and are probably mostly about how hard it is to have two very small children and how little sleep i get on a regular basis. That kind of thing is not really written for other people to read and enjoy, so it surprised me when suddenly people did start reading it (as to whether they're enjoying it- the jury is still out on that one) I only discovered the 'stats' tab on blogger a few months in, and since then i've checked periodically and sure enough people are actually coming here and reading my words. I don't know what they think of them because the majority of them then go away without leaving any trace of their visit other than an extra figure on my "page views" counter.
At first, this totally freaked me out. I mean, really freaked me out, and actually, i still find it a bit weird to think of even as i write this now.
You wouldn't write the same things on a postcard as you would in a love letter because a postcard is viewable to everyone, your words are exposed for all to see. People tend to stick to safe topics, the journey, the weather, and when all else fails "Wish you were here" covers a myriad of bases.
For me, finding out that total strangers were reading my blog was like suddenly realising i'd written a love letter on a postcard and it was already in the postbox.
I wondered (aloud, to Chris) if i should have made it anonymous. That way i'd still have been writing about all the same personal stuff but only a select few folk would have know it was me. I've since found that there are quite a lot of bloggers who go for that option, and i can see why it could be a good one.
I don't really believe in secrets though. Or at least, not beyond secret santas and surprise parties. I grew up with BIG PINK ELEPHANTS in the room being ignored and things being swept under carpets. As a child i was a mediator, desperate to avoid any more confrontation or conflict than my life already contained and as such became a master at telling people exactly what i thought they wanted to hear and never ever rocking the boat. Consequently, as an adult i value honesty above all else. I'm still pitifully rubbish at being assertive and hate confrontation, but i am really trying to move towards having more honesty and open-ness in all areas of my life.
So surely that should include this blog?
If you met me in real life i'd be happy to tell you any of the shit i write about here (if you asked, or if you're unlucky, sometimes even without asking!) and i share photos of myself and my family freely on facebook where only 200 of my nearest and dearest friends can see them ;)
So yes, this blog is taking that a step further, by actively putting myself 'out there' but i'm not sure i'd be able to blog any other way.