Thursday, 10 October 2013

This time...

Every year for the past 3 years I do at least one or two facebook status updates along the lines of: "This time last year I had just become a Mum for the first time!" Or "Look at the difference a year makes" (Insert photo of 2 year old Toby vs 3 year old Toby).

I just can't help myself. I like time and dates and the marking of important ones. Anniversaries, birthdays, even sad things stick in my mind. I keep all my old calendars and diaries and sometimes when I come across them (usually when we are moving house, which we do A LOT) I like to flick through and see what I was doing back then, what day of the week was it? Did I have any appointments? Was I pregnant? On maternity leave? Or at work? Were we in the process of moving house (AGAIN)?!

Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I should spend less time looking back and more looking forward- especially now, with my limited mobility and all ;)

Seriously though, I think so long as you're not dwelling on what can't be changed then a glimpse into the past can give a sense of accomplishment and bring a lot of joy and good memories.

Well, this time 2 years ago I was in labour with Rudy. I'd been contracting steadily at home for about 22 hours at this point but things were just starting to ramp up, although I hadn't called the midwives yet but Chris was inflating the birthing pool, blissfully unaware that the end of my labour would be fast and furious and that our baby would rush into the world at 3.16am tomorrow, born in his waters on to the sofa just 11 minutes after the midwives' arrival.  The birth pool would stay uninhabited until Chris and Toby took a dip the next day.

Fast forward 2 years to present day. I lay in a hospital bed, recovering from Guillan-Barre Syndrome and waiting to miscarry what would have been his baby brother or sister.

I have a lot to feel sad about tonight. But I know I have even more to be thankful for.

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