April

I am doing really rubbishly (definitely not a word!) with my challenges, i don't think i met any of them last month, i may have read one book on my kindle and possibly tried one new recipe...but i couldn't swear to it.  This month has been marginally better, but not by much.  I have watched one new film ("The Social Network") and tried two new recipes (the aformentioned brownies and muffins) and i am half way through reading "The Bell Jar" and that's my contribution for April.

In my defence we've had our hands and heads full this month and it hasn't left much time/mental capacity for trying new things.  I've been spending a lot of time in the evenings when i could have been reading or watching films browsing www.rightmove.co.uk in the hope of coming across our dream house with our dream rent.  Haha.  We don't actually need to move right now, we have a secure tenancy and the roof isn't collapsing in on us, so there's no pressure, but we're finding it increasingly trying to live here.  The lack of space is becoming a big issue and the damp has been chronic recently.  Our recent trial of the tumble dryer under the stairs resulted in damp spores, so that finally prompted us to start looking i think.  We've had a bit of a (not so) short list on Right Move for a few weeks and then we finally made some calls and arranged some viewings last week.  It's actually possible we have found somewhere but i am trying not to get too excited as it might not all pan out, so i'm not going to talk about it just yet, not for fear of "jinxing" it or anything juvenile like that, i just don't want to get my hopes up if it's not going to happen.

Another big change, which actually definitely is going to be happening is that Toby is leaving nursery.  He has two sessions left- this week and next week and then he's done.  That is also something which we've been discussing for a while but then finally acted on a couple of weeks ago and gave nursery our months notice.  At some point (and i can't for the life of me pinpoint when) he stopped being happy to go, and drop-offs began to be a problem.  I think it must have been shortly after Rudy's arrival, which makes sense, as i'm sure some of the trouble is him not wanting to feel left out/pushed out.  Anyway, at first he was just having a bit of a sniffle when it came to me or Chris leaving him, then it escalated so that there was crying and clinging when it came to goodbye time, then it got where he started to cry on his way up the stairs to his room knowing what was coming next, then it was crying at the front door of nursery, then the crying started when we pulled up in the nursery car park...you get the picture.  It has gotten so bad now that if we're at home and he even sees his little frog bag that he takes with him to nursery (with his nappies etc in it)  he starts having an emotional breakdown at just the thought of going there.  It's become a huge problem.

On top of that, there have been lots of changes at nursery, and although i think they could potentially be quite positive changes if they're followed through, i think it's probably come at a very bad time for Toby who was already feeling quite  unsettled.  Lots of staff (including a couple of his favourite members) have either left for good, or gone on maternity leave and some new ones have started.  Some of his little friends have left, and they have rearranged his room.  He only goes the one day a week so he doesn't really have much scope to adjust to the changes either.  It's been a bit of an issue for a while and Chris and i have been going backwards and forwards with it in our minds and talking between ourselves about it.  We don't actually need him to go from a childcare point of view, even when i am back at work, it's not strictly necessary, and it's a lot of money to be paying for something he doesn't enjoy.  After much discussion and a particularly bad drop-off a couple of weeks ago where he clung so hard to me that i actually toppled over, we finally made a decision and gave nursery our notice.  I felt a bit conflicted about it at the time as i don't know how things are going to work out when i go back to work next month (i.e. when on earth i'm going to actually sleep?!) and also just because he's been going there 1-2 days per week since he was 10.5 months old, so it's a big change, but i have since been reassured that we've definitely made the right decision.  We didn't actually take him last week as he cried so much when we pulled up outside it just didn't even bear thinking about.  Then every day for the past few days when we've been getting dressed in the morning he's protested out of the blue "No! Not going to nursery!" and i've reassured him no, and he's wanted to know where we're going instead, so it's obviously become quite a big deal for him and i'm glad we're in a  position where we can take him out and give him that reassurance.  I figure we can always re-evaluate a few months down the line. We've talked about looking at some of the school nurseries in the area and putting his name down for next January (which i think is when he'll qualify for his 15 free hours- if they're still available at that point!)

Anyway, i'm exhausted and i fear this is becoming waffly already so think i'm going to leave it there.  April has been alright i suppose.  It really sucks beyond all measure that the dog has this bloody lump and we don't know what it is and that the insurance won't pay for us to find out, but aside from that it's not been bad i guess.

Meh!