The Truth

Today, in Next, i held up a pair of jeans and declared "Surely i'm not THAT fat?!" to which Chris replied "I wouldn't have said so, no"

Off i trundled to the changing rooms...to discover that they were in fact a perfect fit.

I would have eaten my hat, except that it's probably that kind of behaviour that resulted me being this size in the first place!

Yes, yes, i know, i had a baby...two in fact in the past two years, but still.  As much as i'd like to blame Rudy for the size of my hips, the truth is that he is 3.5 months old now, and when Toby was his age i actually weighed less than i had done pre-pregnancy with him.  Admittedly, i didn't put on as much weight during my pregnancy with Toby as i had the pesky hyperemesis to deal with whereas with Rudy i was just constantly starving but still, i can't help feeling that there's more to it than baby weight.

No one wants to spend hundreds of pounds that they don't have on clothes they'll only wear for a few months so i've just been wearing my maternity clothes/leggings and baggy tops since Rudy was born, figuring i wouldn't be in them for very long but today i gave up, or should that be gave in, and bought myself a pair of jeans...in a size 16.

I'm not too depressed.  But it was a bit of a shock. There was so much material, and yet, only just enough to fasten up around me- how can that be?!

I was a size 12 before i got pregnant and had recently treated myself to a few pairs of lovely jeans, which are now sitting in a pile in the bottom of the wardrobe.  Like so many Mamas i now have "those jeans" that i am keeping in case i can "one day" squeeze back into them.

In the meantime i have a doughnut addiction which i daren't give up on in case it morphs into something more sinister.  These are hard times! What's a doughnut between friends?!

I don't know what possessed us to go shopping on a Sunday anyway.  We went to The Trafford Centre and the world and his wife was there, of course, since it's a weekend and all.  I promised Toby he could ride around in one of those "Fun buggies" (Little tikes cars with handles for parents to push) but when we got to the stand- they were all gone! Every single one was out and in use.  So we hung around until someone returned theirs, which thankfully didn't take too long.  A few others were waiting too.  It was a little crazy.  Toby loves them though, he thinks he is really driving around and the faster you push him the more he steers, it's hilarious to watch.

Here he is in action:

Aside from the giant jeans, we bought clothes for both the boys and some new wellies for Toby as his current pair are too small.  Chris looked for some shoes for himself but they didn't have his size in the ones he wanted so he came home empty handed.

We did have coffee and cake at Starbucks though, well Toby had a smoothie and a snack.  If yesterday's post re: the horror of the five chocolate doughnuts offended your sensibilities then you possibly shouldn't look at this next picture!

Yes, that is choc-choc.  Bad Mummy again.  He was offered a nutritious lunch of chicken and sweetcorn soup and bread before we went out (which he refused, apart from the bread) and he did have quorn fajitas for tea, so i don't just feed him sweets and treats all the time, honest!

Rudy enjoyed looking around at everything as we walked around, we had him in the pram today (the carseat on the quinny frame) so he was just lay back taking it all in.  I thought he might be hungry when we were at Starbucks but he just latched on for long enough for my milk to let down and then decided he was more interested in everyone walking past, cue me flashing folk and him getting a very soggy shoulder from all the milk.  Feeding in public has never really bothered me but the off/on messing around, "yes i'm hungry oh no wait what was that shiny thing?!" phase it is a bit of a nuisance if i'm honest!

He had his second go in the bumbo today-

He doesn't hate it but i wouldn't say he loves it either.  Toby was a big fan from the word go and would have happily sat in it for hours i'm sure but Rudy isn't like that anyway, he will tolerate the bumbo/vibrating chair/inflatable nest for a short time and then let you know quite clearly when he's had enough.  I don't really like labels for babies or children as i think they can often be unhelpful and become a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy, especially when they're so young but i don't think there's any denying that Rudy is a high needs baby.  He is just so sensitive, and not at all what i was expecting from our second child.

I know everyone tells you that your second baby might not be anything like your first and in my head i knew that was possibility and nodded along when people reminded me of the fact when i was pregnant.

But really, deep down i think i thought "Of course they'll be alike, they'll be almost the same!" How could they not be?! 2 baby boys, from the same parents, 2 years apart, raised the same way...

In the early days and weeks after Rudy's arrival people kept telling me how lucky i was to have such a good baby as they'd see us out and about and he'd be asleep in his carseat, not causing any "trouble" and i'd nod and agree, although secretly thinking that all babies are in fact "good" How can a baby be bad?! And also wondering if they'd say the same thing in the middle of the night when he wanted feeding for the 3rd or 4th time ;)

But anyway, i digress.  The first few weeks were actually much easier than i'd expected and Rudy seemed quite content, but once he got out of that newborn "will sleep anywhere, anytime, through any amount of noise" stage and moved into the "Oooh this is an interesting world, what's going on now?" phase, things got a lot harder and we began to learn more about the personality of this new little person in our family, and no, he is not in fact like his big brother at all!

I feel bad comparing the two, because i love them both equally, but it's hard not to compare as we only have the two of them so of course we draw similarities and spot differences, it's only natural.

I am trying hard to see Rudy as his own little person though, and get my head around the idea that he is different and seems to have different needs and that i need to learn how to meet those and respond to them as best as i can even if it means coming up with new ways of doing things.

It's been a shock but the truth is that
a. Rudy is not "Toby Take Two"and
b.  i am actually much fatter than i think i am!